The Anatomy Of Melancholy

Like manholes and poison bottles I was made to be self-locking and I could no longer be bothered pretending.

I might have a key ... I stopped trying to be normal and began to enjoy a small, still life that fitted very snugly around nobody but me.........

Pain and depression I found unpleasant companions but you must understand that what made them unendurable was hope.

That tension between my situation and my hopes for the better ... can eventually only do what tension does, it causes splits and tears, a degree of loss. ... And when the hoped-for future finally appears,

I would rather not see what it brings because hope has already robbed it, mortgaged it to the bone. ... for the rest of the time... I develop like a bonsai plant in a time-lapse video…truncated..

My own fate from whom,
I've never hoped for the good

Has with just heavens ruled,

If it's the impossible what I demand,
Its only because for me the possible is banned......

(from Don Quixote by Cervantes)