Salvation

When I was relatively young I WAS HARD AND ANGRY.

I could walk away from any face, no matter how full of pain, sadness or pleading. I could close my eyes to children, who were being sold in the night. or to those whose limbs were trimmed so they could beg -- those who soon lost their trueborn smile (that every child is born with).

I could stare unblinkingly at the starving who sat outside the temple or mosques; those who were not with us any more, not men or women but expresionless bundles of skin and bones.

I could push torn women, who were crawling weighed down by their hungry infant sons, out of my path when necessary, or step around heroin addicts who were bleeding to death.

You see I was angry then, I did not see people underneath all the filth.

Nothing mattered because there was much that did.

I made money though. Hard Cash, every bit of it a reward for my indifference. But soon I found that I became indifferent to myself, that I would not accept my own need to laugh, to cry, to release my breath and take in everything outside that was already a part of me. I was emotionally numb.

I had become a shell, like the starving ones. But things are different now.
I am not sure what changed me. I know it happened when I went to visit my dying grandmother in our anscesteral village just before she passed away.

Maybe it was what she said about my eyes. She said that they reflected like dirty water: hiding the organism inside, not letting light through.. Or, maybe it was the quiet serenity of the lush green countryside that made my frustrations spill out; the limp coolness of the Mango Grove, the warm embrace of the lush green grass on my naked feet.

But I began to feel sick there... When I tried to sleep, all the faces I had ignored came back to me. I thought my mind would heal itself if I stayed away ferom the city. But they kept reappearing night after night relentlessly. So I did return to face my demons.

Now I am much softer. The faces do not gatecrash into my dreams any more like uninvited guests, because I speak to them everyday on the street, do my little bit for easing their pain and suffering.

Yes, I am no longer distant on the streets to my fellows.

I listen, I blink, I give, I smile, a word of comfort before I am on my way because I would like to think that there MUST be a way out of here for all Mankind & what has become of our society.

Only that smile on their faces or that return of their trueborn happiness even if it comes back for a fleeting moment...just that moment is what I get in return for showing a little compassion.....but it is enough...it is my salvation to all those years of indifference....